Approaching a Lady: The Do’s and Don’ts

Approaching a lady can be nerve-wracking, especially if it’s your first time doing so. Approaching a lady can also be intimidating, especially if you’re just trying to get her number or start an interaction and you’re worried about coming off as creepy or inappropriate with the wrong approach. There are some do’s and don’ts that you should follow if you want to make the best impression possible when approaching a lady, however. Here are some of them to help make your first approaches less stressful!

Start with Confidence

When you approach a lady with confidence, there’s something about your mannerisms that captivates her. Confidence can be seen in how you carry yourself when you’re walking towards her, how relaxed you are (e.g., leaning on things or fidgeting), and even in your posture. Even if you aren’t comfortable around people, it’s possible to fake it until we make it! Take some time to think through what makes you feel confident and then emulate those body language cues as much as possible. Just don’t overdo it—overconfidence doesn’t win points with anyone either!

Approach from the Front

Some people will tell you to approach women from behind, or in some other way that places you as her helper. While it might make for an interesting story, approaching from behind won’t help you make your first impression. It’s best to approach a lady from in front and with confidence. She should be able to look into your eyes as she hears what you have to say. And let’s face it—if she is looking at your feet when you talk to her, that is not a good sign! Approach her head-on and talk to her face-to-face so she can see who you are.

Use Compliments

When you do meet a woman who catches your eye, make sure to be tactful. Complimenting her hair or clothing will set you apart from guys who can only manage hi or nice shoes. If she likes what you’ve said, she’ll reciprocate in kind. Even if it isn’t all that great, as long as you have good intentions, she’ll appreciate your effort to compliment her. If that means saying something about her necklace or jacket (since those are clearly visible), fine by us! Just remember, don’t lie about your feelings just to get what you want from someone else—if it doesn’t ring true in your heart (or head), then don’t say it out loud. That way lies dating disaster.

Confident Body Language is Key

If you’re new to meeting women, confidence is everything. It doesn’t matter how good your conversation skills are or how much you know about her favorite topic. If you don’t exude a sense of self-assurance, she won’t feel comfortable getting to know you further. The easiest way to do that? Use open body language and face her while talking. This sends two important signals: First, it means you are interested in engaging with her; second, it signals openness, which is seen as an attractive quality for both men and women (although it takes on different meanings for each). Avoid crossing your arms across your chest or leaning away from her as these postures close off body language signals.

A Word about Pickup Lines

Never open with a pick-up line. If you start off trying to be witty, chances are your approach will sound too coached. In other words, it won’t come across as natural or spontaneous. Furthermore, lines rarely work anyway—but that doesn’t mean you can’t use them. If a pickup line occurs to you during conversation, by all means go ahead and try it. But in most cases, they should be left out of your initial strategy; when all else fails, they might be useful as an icebreaker…and they almost always make great stories!

Embrace Awkwardness

Rejection stings. It stings so much that we often avoid putting ourselves in situations where it’s even possible. But don’t let rejection scare you from meeting new people. Think of that anxiety as an opportunity to prove yourself more capable than those who are avoiding social discomfort. Chances are, you won’t die if someone rejects you, but they might regret missing out on getting to know such a great person later down the road.

Smile, but don’t be creepy

A quick smile can do wonders for your approach. Not only does it make you appear friendly, but it also gives you an opportunity to break her focus. That’s important because according to research from Northeastern University, women are more likely to be attracted to men who aren’t paying attention to them—and thus give you an opportunity for further conversation. Be careful not to overdo it; if she sees your mouth moving but doesn’t hear any words coming out, she might think you have some sort of palsy or mental illness. But if you simply say Hey!


Flirt with your eyes (not your words)

You’re not going to get far in your attempts to meet women by trying to say something funny or clever. Instead, focus on smiling at them. (This is such an important step, that it bears repeating.) Smile at her whenever you see her, from across a crowded room or from across the table when you’re eating with friends. If she doesn’t smile back? Don’t take it personally—just keep doing it. If she smiles back? Respond with an even bigger smile! Even though she might not know who you are yet, she will remember how happy your eyes made her feel when they smiled at her…and that makes you memorable for all of the right reasons.

Keep things short, light and fun

Approaching women can be intimidating. If you take things too seriously, or treat it like a job interview, you’ll fail. Instead, keep things light and fun. Ask her questions about herself—that way, if she gets away with being super-vague (or just flat-out lies), it won’t feel like such an awkward letdown. Keep in mind that people are more attracted to excitement than they are intimidated by it—so act as if you’re excited to meet her! Not only will you seem chill and confident, but your positive energy will put her at ease. Before you know it, she’ll forget all about those weird questions from earlier…because she’ll be having too much fun to remember them!

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